Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Blood, Sweat & Tears

Not so much blood (although Tara did bleed!) but lots of sweat and tears after today's "mock" Triathlon. I can't really figure out what makes it mock since we did the actual distances of the race we are training for in August, but it was mock none the less. Last week we found out we'd be doing this in place of a full swim training day and instantly my knees buckled. I was torn between excitement and sheer terror. As the days approached, the excitement was gone, gone, gone and I was left with only terror. Who would save me when I drown? Who would do CPR when I passed out on the run? Thankfully I had done the bike course once before so I was ready for that part. I tried to think of every excuse possible to get out of the damn thing but I had to forge ahead.

I was most terrified about the swim since it has the highest likelihood of death associated with it if you fail. The swim turned out not to be so terrible bc we were in very shallow water the whole time and were able to stand when we hit someone. On to the bike, it was great! I felt great, was able to get it done without any crying or complaining and had so much fun! And then it was alllllllllll downhill from there - figuratively and literally. Got on my sneakers to run and my legs would not move. They were so heavy and I have nothing left. I walked about 25 minutes in total and thought my legs might fall off. I ended up calling a babysitter on the way home to stay with the kids so I could nap - got home, jumped in the shower and cried my eyes out. I felt so defeated, like such a loser. I felt as if I've been training for what seems like forever and was not one inch further from where I was on day one. After I showered and cried I slept for about 2 hours and tried to shake it off. I have been trying to celebrate the small victories along the way but that run just pushed me over the edge. I felt like I let myself down, my team, my coaches - just an all over loser-failure.

Now here is the inspirational, uplifting part of this entry - I told a few teammates how I was feeling and they all were AMAZINGLY supportive. They all said they had felt that way at one point, everyone hits bottom but we did do something great on Sunday. We did more before noon than billions of people do in their lifetime. I was able to celebrate the victories of the day and move on and back to training. If only, only, only the run would get easier - all would be right with the world! Thank you again to an amazing group of people that constantly lift me up and push me towards my goal....


  1. Aww....I don't know if I want to cry thinking about my terrible bike ride on Sunday (even without the fall!) or cry because of the sweet things you said! :)

    Just remember - we don't have to go fast....we just have to go!

  2. I can let you borrow my yellow parka. If nothing else it will make you laugh :)
    Early on in our training at a yoga session in the park I had expressed my concern about the run and Emma had me visualize crossing the finish line. I now do it at the start of every session. I always finish whatever I am capable of that day. There are many trainings that I am way behind and I have to remind myself that it's ok. I showed up & am doing my best. And that I am a part of an amazing group of women whose energy fuels me unbeknown to them.
    Thanks for putting your feelings out there Deihdra.

  3. Ahhh...you pushed until you had nothing left...I think that officially makes you an athlete. If you'd never been there, never bonked, you wouldn't quite be an athlete yet. Now you are! Congratulations on reaching the bottom of the barrel and finding that even if it was empty at the time, THERE ISN'T A HOLE IN IT!!! You got refueled, rested, recovered, and now you're ready to go again! I'm proud of you all - wish I had been there!

  4. You're a special group of women. This has been an amazing summer for me so far.